Naruto Insanity
by FanficMonster101
Summary: My favorite recipe - a pinch of author's insomnia, the cast of Naruto, and a large dollop of insanity. Bake until golden brown, or until, one by one, the characters of Naruto go insane. sakura & other female bashing, bashing of all males. Little sasuhina.


"Yeah? FUCK YOU, LITTLE BITCH!"

Neji Hyuga winced in pain at the sound of the ear-shattering curse words. They had been spouted all day, in screams and shouts, so that everyone in the Hyuga compound had simply gone out to buy earplugs. Except for Neji.

Do you know why that was?

It was because Neji couldn't leave the Hyuga compound. He had to stay there, and listen to the loud profanities all day long.

And do you know why?

It was because the person spouting the overly loud and colorful swear words was Hinata.

Hinata Hyuga was swearing at the top of her lungs, and Neji could do nothing to save his poor ears - because it was his _destiny _and _fate_ to protect Hinata.

All. Freaking. Day.

Neji whimpered in terror and miserably tried to bury his head under a pillow.

Hinata stormed down the hall, leaving her little sister hanging out the second story window, a rope tied around her ankle, binding her to a tree branch.

Now, I'm sure by this point you have figured out why Hinata is saying these things.

...no? Then I will explain.

About a week ago, Hinata Hyuga was out training at the extremely exclusive Hyuga training grounds, trying to get better.

...for Naruto.

Sighing hopelessly, she plopped down under a large tree and began eating the lunch she had made.

...for Naruto.

Sadly, he didn't want it. He was already eating the lunch Sakura had lovingly made for him. Then throwing it up. But that's beside the point. Anything that Sakura made, Naruto would gladly eat. Including Repulsive Fangirl Stew, made out of the ill-fated Sasuke fangirls Sakura had chased down for her meal.

Sakura eats fangirls.

For breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Anyway...

Quietly munching a cinnamon roll, Hinata began humming to herself. _Naruto._ was all she thought. That was mostly all she thought about anyway, even when she wasn't thinking about him.

Suddenly, Hinata heard a noise.

She jumped up, getting into her surprisingly creepy Hyuga fighting stance. "W-Who's there?"

A tall man jumped out of the bushes. He was dressed in an Akatsuki cloak, and had silver hair and purple eyes. "It is I, **HIDAN**!" he declared, spreading his arms dramatically.

Hinata blinked. "...Suigetsu?"

Hidan dropped his arms at his sides. "The fuck? No, I just said my name was fucking **HIDAN**!" he exclaimed, spreading his arms again.

Hinata shook her head. "Suigetsu."

Hidan growled. "I don't even fucking look like damn Suigetsu! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Hinata blinked cutely. "The description sounded like Suigetsu." she insisted.

Hidan started throwing a hissy fit. "I'm not Suigetsu! I've never even met him! Did you even meet him? No, I didn't fucking think so! In fact, I died before he was introduced to the series! This is bullshit!" he ranted.

Hinata waited patiently for him to calm down.

Hidan finally did, panting. When he regained his breath, he looked back up to her. "Anyway, I'm here to corrupt you."

Hinata blushed, stammering. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-"

"Spit it out, bitch!"

"I d-don't wanna be...c-corrupted!"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about sex. I'm gay, anyway."

Hinata stared.

Hidan pouted. "I happen to like creepy men who collect hearts! Anywho, I'm here to make you a badass like me."

The Hyuga girl's eyebrow crinked in confusion. "Badass?" she wondered aloud. Hidan nodded. "Yup. So, to be a badass, you have to swear, and beat people up for no damn reason, and then take their money, and then beat them up once again, and dress like a badass, and then you have to not be a virgin."

Hinata tilted her head to one side. "Why?"

Hidan looked at her like she just asked him the stupidest question ever. "I fucking said so. Now, come! Your training shall begin!"

So now Hinata was all badass-like. She had been beating people up all day, and she was wearing punk clothes, and had fifty cents in her pocket that she stole from Hanabi. "Mwahahahahaha," she laughed, reaching her father's room. "Now I shall finally get my REVEEENNNNGGGGEEE!"

She kicked the door down with her black army boot. Inside the room, her father was having tea-time with Neji. Hinata blinked, caught off-guard.

Hiashi sipped his tea daintily, smoothing down his pink ruffled skirt. Neji was pouting across from him, wearing a purple corset and lacy, purple skirt. There was a little plate of cookies in between them, and a tiny tea set.

Hinata twitched in disgust.

Hiashi, noticing her, turned in his mini Kindergartner chair and looked at her plainly. "What?"

You see, Hiashi Hyuga did not know that Hinata was the one causing all the commotion. He had not thought his blushing, stammering daughter capable of swearing. Or speech. Neji had come up to his room, trying to warn him, but Hiashi had caught him and forced him to join him for tea.

And to wear a corset.

Hinata shook her head, snapping out of it. "Hello, father," she said, bowing politely.

Hiashi then noticed what she was wearing. Hot Topic tank top, distressed black skinny jeans, Converse shoes, eyeliner, and chains. Lots and lots of chains.

Hiashi spit out his tea and it landed in Neji's face. "What on Earth are you wearing?" he said, shocked, while Neji whiped tea out of his eyes.

Hinata huffed. "Stuff. Now, Father, I have come to ask you something."

Hiashi quirked an eyebrow, confused. "Shoot. But not really. Is that a gun?" he asked, pointing to Hinata's black leather holster. Hinata waved her hand dismissively. "Not the point. Anyway, I want to ask you...hypothetically speaking, if you were to die in the next few minutes, do you want anything at the grocery store?" she asked.

Hiashi smiled, excited. "Oooh! Yeah! You know those little dinosaur vitamin gummies?" he said, hopeful. Hinata nodded slowly. Hiashi grinned like a little kid. "I want those! Those are my favorite!"

Hinata nodded, producing a notepad from her pocket and copying it down. "Dinosaur...vitamin...gummies." She muttered. "There. Anything else?"

Hiashi tapped his chin thoughtfully for a minute. "Nah. Not really." Hinata said, "Okay." And cracked her knuckles.

Later, a bruised and bloody Hiashi Hyuga was seen crawling down the streets of Konoha, followed by a battered Neji.

In a purple corset.

"Must...have...gummies..." Hiashi moaned.


End file.
